Dreams

I dream about Katie every night. Without fail, she shows up in my dreams every single night. It's gotten tot he point where I'm just like, "Okay, gonna see Katie tonight." before I go to sleep. And it's really fuckin hard. To see her so vividly. Last night I dreamt that I was back on the mountain, and I was visiting all of my old friends, and I was really trying to avoid seeing katie, but of course she showed up. She had a crazy 80's haircut with one side totally shaved, I liked it. But it was just incredibly sad, and when I looked at her, and she really looked back at me, we just began to cry, and some part of me knew I was dreaming, because last night DMay and I crashed on Miles' floor and I was self-conscious about crying in the middle of the night with DMay in the room. I don't think I let myself cry enough, and maybe I'm not processing this stuff with Katie as much as I need to because my sub-conscious is bringing her into awareness literally every single night. This has been going on for about three weeks. And it's a bit overwhelming.

So maybe I'll start a dream journal, so that I can sorta process what my dreams are trying to tell me. And shit, maybe they aren't really trying to tell me anything. Maybe my sub-conscious is so attached to Katie, because she runs so deep in me still, that it literally has to bring her into my experience through dreams. I don't know, but dharma seems to be seeping its way into my sub-conscious too. Because while I was crying in my dream, while there was a part of me that totally knew I was dreaming, and that the whole situation that was being played out in my mind was just a fantasy, I stayed there with it, and I was saying to myself, just breathe into this moment, and don't push it away. Don't get caught up by the past, or worry about the future just be in this dream and feel it. So it's really fucking interesting, that maybe this stuff is clicking in a way that I haven't experienced before. And also, what a fuckin cool state of mind to be in that space in between the dream state and waking reality... to sorta be conscious of both happening at the same time. I can remember talking to Shane Boris about this very state in High School. It's worth mentioning.

So, jumbled this entry seems. But somehow, it just feels good and healthy to write. And to keep writing till one day, this blog won't be all about Katie.

Peace in.