Change is the only constant.

Thank baby geegos for that, huh?

I guess I just wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready to deal with all my shit, my attachment, my insecurities, my laziness, my desperation, my loneliness, my neediness... My greatness. How easy it is to forget that part of yourself, even in a relationship that is loving, that is comfortable, sometimes dull, yet incredibly sweet. Even in this situation which seems so perfect, you can still forget how great you really are, or even just the fact that you are. You ARE.

So, life is happening at an incredible speed, yet the days feel long, like it feels when you are traveling. So much can happen in a day because it all feels so new and unfamiliar that you can actually notice what's going on in your life. I am living with my parents for days at a time, yet I am so groundless right now that it's hard to miss anything. My heart is broken, and open and raw, and it is like a window into everything I've been afraid to look at for a while. I think I was taking refuge in Katie Day. I really thought she could save me and take me to that place beyond all suffering.

Katie, sweet Katie. We loved so hard. We thought that for so long that all we needed in life was each other, that this one element would save us from ourselves. Yet when we finally got together, all we were left with was ourselves.... and yet..... How could we not do this? How could we not fall in love like that? How could we not take the chances that we did for each other? How could we have not had this particular adventure together? It seemed, choiceless in a lot of ways, and I do not regret a single moment of it all. It was brave, although it doesn't seem like it sometimes, it was a brave thing to do, to let ourselves love so crazily, so deeply, so foolishly even. Like Caroline said, it's really very beautiful, to have risked so much over and over. I love you. And this world is big enough for many people to love you over and over again. This world needs love like that, and it's too big to want all to myself. I love you. And I am grateful for sharing my life with you and for you sharing your life with me. It is a special thing, and I am still learning in my heart break. Somehow, finding the dream again, and slowly, patiently, living it.

To not be afraid of who you are... to not be afraid to be a fool... to be gentle towards oneself and others... to walk directly into those places that absolutely terrify. This is the walk of the warrior. And I can feel it in me.