Yeah, it happened.
But why? Simple physics I guess. But shit, it sure would have been good. Healing even. Oh well. Could turn into something more regular and casual. We shall see.
Cheer yourself up.
Even when dreams be fucked up. Way too telling.
Face it.
And forgive.
The best sex of your life? An artist? Dark hair? 19? Ryan? Why did I have to know that shit?
Well, I just don't know.
Eyes forward. Lift it up and hold it to the light. Hidden from nothing. I can tell this is going to be good.
It's just the day-to-day living.... Shit, I don't want to go to work today. Fuck. But, shit man, life is good. Newness. Madness. Absolute openness to every situation. And laughter for the sake of itself. That's what heals.
Spontaneous affection. No wins, no losses, no strategies, no revenge. Just true open, unafraid, spontaneous, affection.
Life is pretty crazy.
I have so much more to learn here.
2 comments:
you have a secret blog
mike, I know it's wierd but i often have similar dreams about past relationships. the girl is always with another man, and she tells me all about him. fuck it hurts. there exists an incredibly strange mix of curiosity, lust, and anger that never really goes away. I'm not really sure why the dreams manifest themselves. maybe it's the mind being impatient with itself, trying to push us to heal by shoving reality in our faces. it makes me wonder if they dream about me in the same way; if they have healed or not. I may never know, because i fear contact with them. I still have feelings for her. whether they be good or bad, or both, she exists ever constant in my mind and heart. is that love, or just intense dependancy issues that never really went away? who knows. just keep on...keep truckin...good stuff.
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